School’s out 4ever

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Wearing sunglasses non-stop to hide my itchy, sun-sensitive eyes!

 

It’s spring. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and my allergies are back with a vengeance.

I started writing this at my desk on my last day in office for my internship, mostly to prevent me from annoying my office-mate who actually had real work to do. After a solid 19 years of schooling, the idea that I’ve finished a year of school with no further school in the picture is rather shocking. It’s disrupted my whole life sequence. I can’t remember what it was like to not be in school, or at least be in anticipation of it.

For the first time in my life, I’m wrapping up a chapter without a clear projection of what will follow it. I’m basically living out the emotional state sixth-grade student experiences when they realize they actually need to write an ending for their cringe-y short story assignment, and all they can come up with is “and then they woke up and it was all a dream” so they scribble it down as if it’s the most original idea that every crossed their still-developing mind.

I’ve been casually browsing the internet for advice on what to do during this “purpose void” I’ve mentally built up. As far as I can tell, these are my only options:

Get a job

Honestly, this would be ideal, but it is harder said than done. In this economy? In this job market? Sounds fake. Also, having a job just doesn’t hit the same when you have to wait months for your health benefits to kick in (if they’re even offered).

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Cover letter is off to a strong start.

Join a pyramid scheme

This isn’t hard with the sheer number of instagram “Hey girl!” bubbles that land in my DMs. Within moments I could be part of a long train of girls trying to peddle hair and skin products not approved by the FDA, attempting to convince people that all of the bad reviews and customer complaints are circumstantial and blown out of proportion. All I have to do is spend countless hours on Instagram searching for girls I think are even more gullible and desperate than me.

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I already have an in.

Go to Bali and “find myself”

This one seems promising. If I dig deep into my bank account, I can probably find enough funds to book a round trip to Southeast Asia. After partying hard and trashing beaches all night at low-cost raves in Thailand with no reverence for the locals, I’ll zip over to Bali to cleanse my soul with yoga and beautiful spas. I might even think I’ve become more enlightened by sitting in picturesque pools and immersing myself amongst the (gentrified version of) a foreign culture.

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Instagram search: Bali

I’ll definitely take at least 200 instragammable photos to post from now until the end of time, ready to post one when a natural disaster strikes Indonesia as a result of climate change crisis (e.g. the capital might have to be moved from Jakarta, displacing millions and potentially creating climate crisis refugees) with a caption such as “my heart bleeds to see this beautiful place I visited experiencing such pain </3”. In the event that life-ending disaster doesn’t strike, I’ll make sure to post photos about the importance of travel, with other captions such as “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read but a page“, “Take only memories, leave only footprints”, and “I think I was born to live in a hut on a beach <3”.

 

Fake my own death

I’ve read Gone Girl too many times and now kind of just want to try to see if I could get away with it.

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This is the most iconic monologue in modern film and no one can convince me otherwise.

 

Real talk, I kind of feel this sense of emptiness about being done school for the foreseeable future, and I’m genuinely going to miss having access to JSTOR. The change is terrifying, but it’s also incredibly liberating. I have nothing planned and no schedules to meet.

And that’s okay.

Coming up next: I’m going on hiatus for the summer!

JWB is the new FWB

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One time I tried to draw a happy face on the label of my antibiotics, but I messed up and instead it looked like it was screaming, which is a pretty big mood.

I have come to the horrible realization that I am about four months away from losing access to health and dental benefits.

Growing up, I always idealized workplaces that boasted “fun” perks, such as:

Of course, I still kind of want to have those things–who wouldn’t?–but in the past few years, I’ve started to idealize more practical benefits and perks of workplaces. You know, the ones that actually are necessary for my health and overall well-being.

I’m blessed to live in Canada, which has universal healthcare so broke bois like me can afford to go to the doctor as needed, but dental? Sick days? Prescriptions? That’s another story.

Here’s a list of things I plan to do with these final months that I have access to my mom’s health and dental insurance:

  • any dental work I can get done
  • get new glasses just for fun-sies
  • undergo physiotherapy for the IT band injury I got two years ago and never fully took care of ~oops~
  • get orthotic insoles even though I’m not 100 per cent sure I need them?
  • back massage? I’m not sure what exactly what my insurance covers

I kind of feel pathetic salivating over the idea of having flexible work hours, reasonable vacation time, healthy work-life balance, gym-membership coverage and health and dental benefits; however, I think part of growing up is understanding the value of practical perks over the flashy ones that don’t help you out in the long term. Basically, I’m becoming a boring person.

And that’s okay.

Comment the best workplace perk you can think of! I would sell my soul for a frequently-refreshed edible arrangement to be available at all times in the office.

Coming up next: What do you mean I can’t wear athleisure everyday?

Interviews are high-stakes first dates (and, like first dates, I don’t get many)

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I took this pic right before an interview. Didn’t get the job. Win some, lose most am i rite?

Interviews and first dates are basically the same thing. You’re essentially trying to convince some poor idiot that you’re perfect. Then you wait until they’re invested in you to expose all of your flaws and psychoses and pretty much pull an Amy Dunne from Gone Girl.

ANYWAY, here’s a general process for both occasions:

  1. Extensively stalk their online presence or ask mutual friends about them to get a notion of who they are.
  2. Pick out an outfit ahead of time that you feel represents you as confident, cool and generally stylish.
  3. Spill coffee/ketchup/yogurt on your perfect outfit and change into something else last minute.
  4. Prepare a couple speaking points and topics.
  5. Get a little nervous before it starts.
  6. Emphasize how your views and ideas align with theirs in some way, while also expressing that you’re still different and interesting.
  7. Laugh uncomfortably at bad jokes!!!
  8. Talk about yourself in a way that makes you sound better and more well-rounded than you realistically are (weaknesses? who’s she? never heard of her).
  9. Part ways amicably.
  10. Wait impatiently for them to contact you again 🙂

 

As uncomfortable, difficult and exhausting as the process can be, the most important thing I’ve learned is that the interviewer/other person on the date are going through it as well. They’re trying, in many ways, to impress you too.

Maybe you still haven’t found your groove when it comes to being confident in yourself on dates and interviews. Maybe you’re not sure how to be your best self, or what that even means. I’m still figuring it out too.

And that’s okay.

 

Share your worst experience in a interview/dating scenario! A couple weeks ago I said “yeet” during a coffee chat with a potential employer and I need reassurance and solidarity.

Coming up next: Six easy ways to look like you have your sh*t together

Existing in Limbo: The Place Between Student Life and Adulthood

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“Homie, I’m graduated.” – Kanye West

There’s a 10th circle in hell, and it’s called post-graduate life.

Not for everyone. Some of my peers seamlessly slipped into their master’s programs, full-time contracts and actual-real-adult existences. Congratulations if that’s you; I just can’t relate.

I’m in this weird place between student life and adulthood. I don’t consider Mio drops mixed with water and vodka to be a cocktail anymore, but I’m still not ~sophisticated~ enough to own wine that costs more than nine dollars and has a better name than “Blueberry Blue”. Assorted ramen noodles aren’t a steady meal plan, but I’m not ready to start grocery shopping dominantly for whole foods.

Worst of all, I can see people close to me on both sides of the spectrum, and I crave to have that kind of definition, that concreteness, that certainty in my life.

Essentially, I’m having an identity crisis.

Instead of handling it rationally, I let my Jekyll-and-Hyde-style dual identities hijack my body and act out in ridiculous ways. For example, these are behaviours I exhibited within 24 hours last week (in no particular order):

  • Bought a blazer for 50 per cent off during an end-of-season sale
  • Drank a whole bottle of wine at a pre-drink
  • Scheduled a coffee chat
  • Wore my reading glasses all day for *aesthetic*
  • Used a stress ball to healthily handle my issues
  • Bootycalled a guy who I said I would never hook up with again at 1:30 a.m.
  • Woke up with cheeto dust spilled all over my sheets

I live in this space where I still exist as a sloppy undergraduate student who isn’t ready to move on, but I’m also this budding professional who’s primed for the next stage of her life. Maybe you’re there too.

And that’s okay.

This blog is for laughs, advice and the kind of honesty you won’t find on the gram; follow for a hot mess of a ride.

Coming Up Next: Dream Job: The Real Version