JWB is the new FWB

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One time I tried to draw a happy face on the label of my antibiotics, but I messed up and instead it looked like it was screaming, which is a pretty big mood.

I have come to the horrible realization that I am about four months away from losing access to health and dental benefits.

Growing up, I always idealized workplaces that boasted “fun” perks, such as:

Of course, I still kind of want to have those things–who wouldn’t?–but in the past few years, I’ve started to idealize more practical benefits and perks of workplaces. You know, the ones that actually are necessary for my health and overall well-being.

I’m blessed to live in Canada, which has universal healthcare so broke bois like me can afford to go to the doctor as needed, but dental? Sick days? Prescriptions? That’s another story.

Here’s a list of things I plan to do with these final months that I have access to my mom’s health and dental insurance:

  • any dental work I can get done
  • get new glasses just for fun-sies
  • undergo physiotherapy for the IT band injury I got two years ago and never fully took care of ~oops~
  • get orthotic insoles even though I’m not 100 per cent sure I need them?
  • back massage? I’m not sure what exactly what my insurance covers

I kind of feel pathetic salivating over the idea of having flexible work hours, reasonable vacation time, healthy work-life balance, gym-membership coverage and health and dental benefits; however, I think part of growing up is understanding the value of practical perks over the flashy ones that don’t help you out in the long term. Basically, I’m becoming a boring person.

And that’s okay.

Comment the best workplace perk you can think of! I would sell my soul for a frequently-refreshed edible arrangement to be available at all times in the office.

Coming up next: What do you mean I can’t wear athleisure everyday?

Dream Job: The Real Version

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This is sadly my most professional looking photo

What’s your dream job?”  Every adult I’ve interacted with since graduation


The question itself doesn’t bother me: it’s that I can never answer honestly. Whenever an adult asks this, they expect me to say something relevant and poignant about the field I intend to end up in (public relations).

E.g. “I hope to work in Toronto as the coordinator of the crisis communications department for a corporate giant,” I respond, confidently expressing my understanding of the industry and ambitious goals for the future.

But, who really dreams of working in an office until retirement? No one.

I’m pretty pissed that I have to lie about my true passions for the rest of my career, so to get this negative energy out I’ve made a list of some honest “dream jobs”:

  • instagram influencer who’s paid large sums of money to promote skinny detox tea and sugar-bear-hair gummies
  • poet with a liveable wage
  • twitter user with enough fame to publish a book of my best tweets and followers so loyal that they’d buy it even though all of my content is available online for free
  • songwriter for talented teenage singers who have no lyric writing capacity
  • reality star on some sort of “real housewives” or “wives of athletes” show
  • professional dogsitter
  • whatever job lets me be hugged and encouraged by Karamo from Queer Eye on a daily basis

When we’re young, we’re told that we can be anything when we grow up. Then, suddenly, we reach an age where we’re told to be realistic. I will probably never be employed at my “dream job”, but I’ve come to accept that. I, like many, am still working to find the balance between passion and practicality.

And that’s okay.

Please comment your unachievable dream jobs and any topics you want me to cover!

Coming up next: Interviews are high-stakes first dates (and, like first dates, I don’t get many)