single and unsure if i even want to mingle

I know I’ve touched on the topic of post-grad dating in a previous post, but I felt like it was fitting to revisit it considering that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

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Courtesy of Twitter User @ZachSvobodny

Valentine’s Day was one of my favourite holidays from ages five to nine, because all the holiday entailed was stuffing Dora The Explorer foldable cards into the cubbies of all of my classmates and eating dollar store chocolate. Now? It’s a day when single people gripe about being alone, and 50 per cent of people in relationships gripe about having to celebrate/not celebrating.

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No matter what my relationship status is, Valentine’s Day always seems to bring up some sort of self-evaluation about said status. I actually wrote a piece about dating résumés as a mode of reflection last year for V-Day (with my actual dating résumé attached if you want to see the tragic history of my romantic life).

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Just in case you thought I was joking, this is a very real document. My Humour Writing professor described my dating résumé as “funny, but in a pathetic, sad way”!

 

I find myself situated in a weird space, as I think most recent graduates do. Apart from being wildly unaware of how to meet new dating prospects, there are a bunch of factors that make dating more difficult than I anticipated.

My future is marked with so much uncertainty; I don’t know what city I’ll be living in, what job I’ll have, or what my life will look like in three months. I keep hyping myself up to get into the dating world only to cut down the idea in the face of reality: there’s no point of getting attached to someone right now only for things to not work out in a few months. What waste of a time investment.

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Me the moment someone mentions long-term relationships (also, quite possibly, the last time I did cardio)

I guess that’s the root of the problem: timing. When I was in my fourth year of university, I dodged any potential relationships because I didn’t see the point of getting involved with someone when the likelihood of things working out long-term was slim to none. During my post-graduate diploma, I’ve done the same citing similar reasons. And it has left me very single.

Like, so so so so so single. The kind of single that has my mom sending my cautionary documentaries about “cat ladies”. The kind of single that had me looking up how to apply for The Bachelor on Wikihow.

I’ve been ruminating on the reality of my love life (or lack thereof) pretty heavily this February, and I’ve come to a pretty cool conclusion: I am perfectly content with being alone right now. I like my own company, routines, and choosing my life with myself at the forefront — no distractions.

 

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unbelievably accurate.

I’m not prescribing this as a time in life to be single or implying that being single during the beginning of your career is “better”. Maybe you’re in a healthy, happy relationship that provides you with support right now. If you are, I am wholeheartedly happy for you. But this is my moment to only account for myself, and someone has to really be incredible to come into my life and change that. Maybe you’re here as well; maybe you’re sure about it, or maybe you wish things were different. Maybe you fear that you’re giving something up while chasing your ambitions. I sometimes worry, too.

And that’s okay.

Comment the worst Valentine’s Day gift you ever received! In Grade 11, my then-boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of red roses and I did not have the heart to tell him I don’t like flowers. He found them rotting in the bottom of my locker two weeks later.

Coming up next: Time is money, and I have neither

My friends are getting married and I’m still seeing guys who have Saturdays Are For The Boys flags hanging above their couches 🙃

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I read poems about my (barely existent) love life at an event in undergrad and got a flower for it.

A couple days ago, I was lying in bed, eating pizza and scrolling through Instagram when something terrible occurred: I saw wedding photos of people I knew in undergrad.

There’s a weird sense of pressure. A lot of the people around me will talk about their ten year goals, with things like getting married and having their first kid included. This wouldn’t freak me out as much if I wasn’t still going on first dates with Brad’s and Chad’s who crush cases of PBR and use the term “full send” unironically.

I really messed up by avoiding relationships like they were the plague during my upper years of university. No one told me how hard it is to meet new dating prospects in a post-grad arena.

My friends keep trying to set me up with people using weak common interests that have no correlation to compatibility, i.e.:

  • “You both enjoy independent films!”
  • “He wrote a poem once for class and you write poems so it’s basically a match made in heaven!”
  • “You both can read!”

My friend made me download Hinge, a dating app, but I also struggle to want to meet people after only a text conversation. Although, I am thankful to the one guy whose opening message was “I love you”. Hope all is good, Nick.

I’m not going to end this with a motivational message about being comfortable with being single and recognizing that it’s your time to grow. There’s enough content about that in the world. Wanting to find love and worrying about potentially not finding it is common amongst most people.

And that’s okay.

Comment your worst date ever! Because of who I am as a person, I documented mine with a tweet:Screen Shot 2018-11-03 at 11.36.49 PM

Coming up next: Bar life is not the same