JWB is the new FWB

One time I tried to draw a happy face on the label of my antibiotics, but I messed up and instead it looked like it was screaming, which is a pretty big mood.

I have come to the horrible realization that I am about four months away from losing access to health and dental benefits.

Growing up, I always idealized workplaces that boasted “fun” perks, such as:

• Beer on tap in the office
• Ping-pong tables
• Bean bag chairs
• Relaxed, Google-esque dress code
• All around fun!

Of course, I still kind of want to have those things–who wouldn’t?–but in the past few years, I’ve started to idealize more practical benefits and perks of workplaces. You know, the ones that actually are necessary for my health and overall well-being.

I’m blessed to live in Canada, which has universal healthcare so broke bois like me can afford to go to the doctor as needed, but dental? Sick days? Prescriptions? That’s another story.

Here’s a list of things I plan to do with these final months that I have access to my mom’s health and dental insurance:

• any dental work I can get done
• get new glasses just for fun-sies
• undergo physiotherapy for the IT band injury I got two years ago and never fully took care of ~oops~
• get orthotic insoles even though I’m not 100 per cent sure I need them?
• back massage? I’m not sure what exactly what my insurance covers

I kind of feel pathetic salivating over the idea of having flexible work hours, reasonable vacation time, healthy work-life balance, gym-membership coverage and health and dental benefits; however, I think part of growing up is understanding the value of practical perks over the flashy ones that don’t help you out in the long term. Basically, I’m becoming a boring person.

And that’s okay.

Comment the best workplace perk you can think of! I would sell my soul for a frequently-refreshed edible arrangement to be available at all times in the office.

Coming up next: What do you mean I can’t wear athleisure everyday?

Five Quick Meals for the Grad on the Go

Life is busy, and sometimes maintaining a regular eating schedule can be difficult. Here are some simple meal ideas!

1. The handful of diner mints (one unwrapped) that have been floating in the bottom of your bag for an unidentifiable amount of time make a quick breakfast. If you don’t have time to whip something up in the morning because you snoozed your alarm eight times, these borderline gross mints will have to do!

I pulled this gourmet selection from the bottom of my purse.

 

2. Meal-prep for the first time in five months. Put together a well-portioned, nutrient-dense salad, pack it up, and carry it for lunch. Don’t eat it though: instead, cave in to peer pressure and join your friends/coworkers in heading out for lunch. Scarf down $15 worth of fish tacos and end up having to throw out your now-wilted leafy greens when you get home.

Mmmmm, tastes like my bank account’s tears.

 

3. For a light snack, try the 2/3 empty bag of abandoned sunflower seeds that you bought on a whim three months ago and has since been sitting in the cup holder of your car. Shove those bad boys into your mouth like a deranged raccoon while parked behind the Chipotle your debit card just got declined at.

These will not satisfy your hunger in the slightest!

 

4. Sleep. The only food items you have in your kitchen are a clove of garlic, stale multigrain Cheerios and seven tomatoes. In terms of quantity of ingredients, you could technically make a meal, but none of these foods go together. Sure, you could walk to the nearby fast food joint, but you can’t afford to drop $10 on chicken nuggets. Go to bed for dinner and hope that your growling stomach doesn’t keep you awake.

bone apple tea

 

5. Hungry, but unsure of what you should eat for breakfast? Haven’t gone to the grocery store in three weeks? Unwilling to cook? Desperate times call for desperate measures: do like my friend Taylor and just eat a raw sweet potato.

Low quality photo for a low quality meal.

 

In all seriousness, life can get busy and it’s okay to admit that you don’t always have the time, funds or energy to eat a healthy balanced diet.

And that’s okay.

 

Comment the most interesting “meal” you have resorted to eating! There was a three day period of my life where all I ate was a Costco-sized bag of oranges.

Coming up next: JWB is the new FWB

Who actually has time to be healthy and hot?

People emphasize the importance of maintaining a balanced lifestyle, but it’s realistically impossible to do everything.

Hi! I’m Stephanie, writer of The Stimac Report, and I’m guest-blogging this week.

As the start of my “big girl job” approaches, I’m wondering how full-time boss ladies have time to exercise.

After Insta-stalking women who seem to have their lives together and dragging my butt to one yoga class, I’ve concluded that it’s scientifically impossible that these women have good jobs, hot bodies, functional families, and time to grab drinks with the girls.

The part blacked out in the middle? Yeah, she doesn’t exist.

It’s all about illusion. These women don’t have to do all these wonderful things–they just have to appear to. I’ve mastered pretending to know about sports and football, but faking #healthyliving is a new arena.

Here are four guises that make it seem like you are a healthy, well-balanced individual:

1.    Wear athletic gear all the time. Lululemon and Gymshark are the brands of athletic posers. Sure, they are great workout clothes, but they’re also cleverly designed  as cute streetwear.

It’s me!

 

2.    Do a juice cleanse. Will you lose 10 lbs in a week? Nope. Will you have diarrhea for the next 36 hours? You bet! Will it make people think you’re healthy? There’s a 50/50 chance. If you do try one, make sure to post about it. How else are people to know you are #health?

Courtesy of Instagram user @insta.single

 

3.   Own an unnecessary number of running shoes…

…and never be caught–or, at least, photographed–wearing the same pair twice; people will think you go to the gym and run outside daily, if not twice a day!

As a former Nike employee, I have over 100 pairs (oops!).

This is my running shoe collection!

 

4.    Watch sports!

Plant yourself on your couch with a low-cal snack and a glass of water while the game is on. There’s an assumption that people who watch sports also play them or are at least active. Don’t know about football? Check out my blog for all your NFL need-to-knows! 

Peep that “healthy” Halo Top ice cream

 

Maybe some of the women you see in the Starbucks line actually do have the time (and discipline) to wake up at 4am, workout, get ready for work, make cash money, care for their kids, cook dinner, and spend time with #hubby before bed.

But most of us don’t.

And that’s okay.

Visit The Stimac Report here.

Coming up next: My friends are getting married and I’m still seeing guys who have Saturdays Are For The Boys flags hanging above their couches