School’s out 4ever

Wearing sunglasses non-stop to hide my itchy, sun-sensitive eyes!

 

It’s spring. The birds are singing, the flowers are blooming, and my allergies are back with a vengeance.

I started writing this at my desk on my last day in office for my internship, mostly to prevent me from annoying my office-mate who actually had real work to do. After a solid 19 years of schooling, the idea that I’ve finished a year of school with no further school in the picture is rather shocking. It’s disrupted my whole life sequence. I can’t remember what it was like to not be in school, or at least be in anticipation of it.

For the first time in my life, I’m wrapping up a chapter without a clear projection of what will follow it. I’m basically living out the emotional state sixth-grade student experiences when they realize they actually need to write an ending for their cringe-y short story assignment, and all they can come up with is “and then they woke up and it was all a dream” so they scribble it down as if it’s the most original idea that every crossed their still-developing mind.

I’ve been casually browsing the internet for advice on what to do during this “purpose void” I’ve mentally built up. As far as I can tell, these are my only options:

Get a job

Honestly, this would be ideal, but it is harder said than done. In this economy? In this job market? Sounds fake. Also, having a job just doesn’t hit the same when you have to wait months for your health benefits to kick in (if they’re even offered).

Cover letter is off to a strong start.

Join a pyramid scheme

This isn’t hard with the sheer number of instagram “Hey girl!” bubbles that land in my DMs. Within moments I could be part of a long train of girls trying to peddle hair and skin products not approved by the FDA, attempting to convince people that all of the bad reviews and customer complaints are circumstantial and blown out of proportion. All I have to do is spend countless hours on Instagram searching for girls I think are even more gullible and desperate than me.

I already have an in.

Go to Bali and “find myself”

This one seems promising. If I dig deep into my bank account, I can probably find enough funds to book a round trip to Southeast Asia. After partying hard and trashing beaches all night at low-cost raves in Thailand with no reverence for the locals, I’ll zip over to Bali to cleanse my soul with yoga and beautiful spas. I might even think I’ve become more enlightened by sitting in picturesque pools and immersing myself amongst the (gentrified version of) a foreign culture.

Instagram search: Bali

I’ll definitely take at least 200 instragammable photos to post from now until the end of time, ready to post one when a natural disaster strikes Indonesia as a result of climate change crisis (e.g. the capital might have to be moved from Jakarta, displacing millions and potentially creating climate crisis refugees) with a caption such as “my heart bleeds to see this beautiful place I visited experiencing such pain </3”. In the event that life-ending disaster doesn’t strike, I’ll make sure to post photos about the importance of travel, with other captions such as “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read but a page“, “Take only memories, leave only footprints”, and “I think I was born to live in a hut on a beach <3”.

 

Fake my own death

I’ve read Gone Girl too many times and now kind of just want to try to see if I could get away with it.

This is the most iconic monologue in modern film and no one can convince me otherwise.

 

Real talk, I kind of feel this sense of emptiness about being done school for the foreseeable future, and I’m genuinely going to miss having access to JSTOR. The change is terrifying, but it’s also incredibly liberating. I have nothing planned and no schedules to meet.

And that’s okay.

Coming up next: I’m going on hiatus for the summer!

Backup plan

Looking for potential job opportunities!

 

As yet another week has passed where I have not secured full-time employment, my parents urge me to develop a “backup plan” for when my dreams and aspirations of working in PR/MarComm fall through.

My parents, who I disappointed by going into English and Creative writing rather than a STEM-related university program , have been expressing their extreme fear that I will be a poor, jobless loser until I die for the majority of the past four years. As more time passes, the fear only gets stronger. They’re still trying to convince me to apply for medical or law school.

I’m beginning that think that they may be making some points, as I only have $18 to my name at the moment. Maybe I should start to think of alternative career paths. After some intense job market research and deep soul searching, I have developed the following options:

 

Blackjack Scammer

Image courtesy of pexels.com

Inspired by 21, the 2008 film that glorified being good at math, I could develop the ability to count cards, enabling me to “scam the system” in games of blackjack. Perhaps I’d even assemble a team to streamline the process.

After a year or two of winning large sums of money in casinos in Las Vegas and Monaco, I’ll disappear into a nice suburban lifestyle and pay for everything with suspicious amounts of cash.

Pros: short career length with significant financial compensation
Cons: doing math
Risks: I could be horrible at this and end up only losing money

 

Go on the Bachelor

Pexels.com really had my back on this post

 

The skeptics may wonder: How can I turn this into a career? I’ll explain.

Step One: Apply to be a contestant on the Bachelor. I’m young, cute, and looking for love.

Step Two: Play it well. I’ll be the perfect balance of nice while maintaining a personality, and try to get some of the fans to my side.

Step Three: As the show’s token ethnic minority, I have to make it decent way into the show. I hope that my charm and fan support gets me to the part where he meets my family. My mom, who has no verbal filter and has the tendency to say typically rude things without considering the impact, will probably unintentionally read Brad-Chad-Chris-Hunter-Whatever-His-Name-Is for filth.

Step Four: When the show airs, that segment goes viral, potentially becomes an internet meme. I’m immortalized as the contestant whose mom ROASTED the bachelor.

Step Five: I don’t win The Bachelor. This is expected: the winner is the skinniest, blondest contestant (as per usual).

Step Six: I use my internet popularity to feed my launch into being a social media influencer, and further use this platform to progress my career as a writer.

Step Seven: Years down the road, I do Dancing with the Stars or something equally desperate to cling to my withering remnants of pop culture relevancy.

Step Eight: Retire early with whatever funds I’ve saved up and live out a mysterious, reclusive life like Emily Dickinson.

Pros: money, fame, minimal effort output
Cons: probably will never be able to hold a corporate job after
Risks: there’s a 99% chance I’m too ugly to get on The Bachelor

 

Start an underground raccoon fighting ring

Image from rad raccoon

Raccoons are considered pests by most, and I doubt many would complain about their disappearance. Additionally, chicken and dog fighting is so normie and cliché. Unfortunately, because of the illegality and inconspicuous nature of the animal fighting industry, there isn’t a lot of available guidance.

I hope the government agent spying on my google searches does not flag me 🙂

In order to achieve this, I would have to poach a few young raccoons and raise them as fighters. I’d have to figure out how to gather attention from interested audiences and other potential participants, as well as a fighting location and framework. Of course, this would take years of investment and planning to grow into a stable form of income, but what start-up doesn’t?

Pros: potential to be lucrative as heck
Cons: this is definitely an animals rights violation and I would hate myself for it
Risks: probably going to prison forever, also: rabies

 

The truth is I’m terrified that I might have no job prospects, and that I’ll have to actually think of a secondary career plan. I have this overwhelming fear that I’ve wasted my time, that I’ve wasted my parents’ money on education, and that I’ll never be as successful as my peers who have already found full-time employment in their field of choice, or are living their dreams in professional school. I’m frankly afraid I’m not enough; the application process has a knack of feeding that fear. I’m still fighting to overcome it, and maybe you are too.

And that’s okay.

Comment your “backup plan”!

Coming up next: school’s out 4ever

professional twitter is no fun: there, i said it

I tweeted this just seconds before my program director followed me on Twitter.

One of the most consistent pieces of advice I have received throughout the past few years is that I should professionalize all of my social media profiles.

This is upsetting for me, mostly because I’ve been sh*t-posting since before sh*t-posting was even a real thing. My parents have wearily recounted (many times, on different occasions) all the absurd things I’ve said over the course of my life. It started when I started mixing words to be petty at the ripe age of one and to this day I will say dumb jokes to my mom, at which point she resignedly look away and pretend she never heard it.

I’ve been an avid Twitter user since I was 16. Good content creation on this platform is akin to art. The skill to put together a good jokes and quickly create context within a restraining word/character economy deserves way more credit, and most of my favourite internet personalities exist on Twitter.

did I ever mention that I basically majored in poetry?

Social media is becoming an increasingly integrated part of human interaction and social connection. Even with busy lives and distance between us, I’m still able to my friends who are in different cities across the world; yes, we still talk on the phone, text, Facetime, etc., but those activities take time and it’s hard to keep that up on a regular basis with everyone.

However, in a single tweet, I can learn of the tragic dating incident my friend was entangled in; a single Instagram photo can let me know that my BFF on exchange in Copenhagen went for a weekend hiking trip in Norway.

do i have to delete this from my profile be honest

As much as the baby boomer haterz think we rely on our phones too much, social media has really become a simple way to stay connected with a large network of people.

So back to professionalizing. I can see it in some places: obviously, you should have to keep it clean-cut on LinkedIn. That just makes sense. But TWITTER?

ugh

I’m not saying that we should feel free to post anything on social media (i.e. free speech does not mean spreading hate speech; basic human rights should still apply), but making people give up their ability to express themselves online in any way that isn’t strictly professional seems pretty unhealthy.

Yeah, I could just talk about my professional activities and accomplishments on Twitter, but a) I think 90% of my followers would find me irritating and b) that’s what LinkedIn is for.

This man pulled out one airpod to say this to me. Didn’t even ask if I was okay. Also, I did need iron.

Twitter is such an interesting forum for memes, internet culture, and jokes. It’s a place for sharing wittily crafted personal anecdotes. It allows for social and political commentary in a factual or comical way. For thought sharing. It’s pretty isolating to give up the connections I’ve forged with people over our senses of humour, our tragic dating lives, and our ability to share sub-prime stories of ourselves. Frankly, seeing other people be imperfect on Twitter kind of makes me feel less alone.

🙂

This blog post came from this very sad place where I was scrolling through my old tweets and deleting some out of fear of being unemployed forever. I don’t know how to reconcile the fact that being a real adult means having to appear perfect on the internet. I’m exhausted and frightened by the very idea.

And that’s okay.

Comment a topic you want covered!

Coming up next: backup plan

All of my friends have left me but at least I have a bicep now

Missed her so much I flew across the country.

During the summer preceding my first year of university, my brother gave me a piece of sage advice: don’t become friends with fourth year students, because eventually they will graduate and leave you.

Following my most human impulse, I ignored this impartation of wisdom, wanting to believe that I was immune to it all, an exception; the naïvety of my 17 year-old mind made me think I could neglect the risk.

And then one of my closest friends during second year graduated. And then the trend continued in third year.

And then I was in fourth year and I graduated. People who I used to see on a weekly  basis are now at graduate school in Montreal, living in North Vancouver, doing a semester in Copenhägen, living the big city life in Toronto with fancy jobs. My geographically-close friends and I are constantly struggling to find a time when our schedules aren’t in conflict.

we’re sad girls because we haven’t seen each other in so long 😦

My social life was basically D.O.A. when I started working, but I think I have found one silver-lining. In my sheer boredom and ample amounts of free time, I actually go to the gym.

I literally just go to the gym because what else am I going to do with my evening? and in this process, I have developed the slightest hint of muscle definition. My experience, I fully believe, puts me in the place to develop a fitness plan to market to the masses (because, realistically, I have the same qualifications as most of the instafitness influencers out there).

BUY MY COMPREHENSIVE FITNESS PLAN: MAKE MY BOD GREAT AGAIN

1. As mentioned earlier, have no social life. Maybe, on the occasional weekend, you’ll see your limited number of friends, but apart from that you have to be SUPER alone.

PRO TIP: This is substantially easier if your friends, idk, move across the country so your ritual of going to Wine Wednesday with them ceases to exist! Instead, drink multiple cups of tea alone in your room at night!

2. Work in an office that’s located too far from any fast food locations for you to even CONSIDER walking to buy french fries. This inspires you to pack food for the day, and if you’re as lazy as me when it comes to food prep, this includes just eating a bowl of baby spinach and a protein bar for lunch.

3. Have a gym membership. You’re working full-time on entry-level/intern wages; you can’t afford NOT to use the gym you’re already paying for. You have to go. When you get there, lift weights/run/cycle/whatever-you-like-to-do-at-the-gym for as long as you can to dodge the growing sense of ~ennui~ you feel on a daily basis.

4. Rinse and repeat.

Now, many of you might wonder how I maintain motivation to follow such an intensive guide; motivation is unique to everyone, as we all have different goals that get our serotonin flowing. What keeps me motivated is that I own a ton of business casual clothing that I bought a few years ago, but doesn’t quite fit; I can’t afford to buy new clothes, so I guess I just have to get in shape :).

Jokes aside, I am in significantly better physical shape than I was throughout my final years of university. I spent the last two years of undergrad on a strict diet of $9 peach pinot grigio, Smoke’s Poutine, and pizza pockets (a guilty pleasure).

ily ❤

I’ll be honest: there were many times in my fourth year where I thought I really wanted to get back to having a physically fit body. I’m also going to be honest to say I was wrong.

For the people who have known me for a long time, it’s no secret that I packed on a few (like 25) pounds over the course of undergrad; there are a lot of reasons behind that, including gaining muscle mass, changes in my medical health, recovering from disordered eating habits, and also, for the first time in over 10 years, not maintaining an obsession with my weight. I swear I truly would not take back any of the fun I had over the past few years even if it meant I could have had a size two waist instead.

So if getting fit and eating a healthy diet fits into your life right now, that’s great. I’m rooting for you. But if not, I’m also going to firmly encourage you to not let what your body looks like dictate your life. Have that glass of wine; eat that poutine; don’t turn down a night out with your friends; don’t feel guilty not going to the gym because you’re swamped with assignments. Your physical fitness may not be your priority right now.

And that’s okay.

Comment the best piece of advice you’ve ignored! One time my doctor told me I shouldn’t go to work because I was definitely sick, and after nearly throwing up I was forced to acknowledge that her and her 15+ years of experience may have been right.

Coming up next: professional Twitter is no fun: there, I said it

Time is money, and I have neither

I really go too hard when listening to 7 Rings by Ariana Grande for someone who cannot afford most things.

My life as an ~adult~ has been in full swing for almost two months now, and I’ve been forced to realize the true value of time. As someone who in undergrad had a ripe total of five hours of class a week, going to a regular work schedule (and also trying to cook at home, go to the gym, maintain a social life, enrich myself by reading critically-acclaimed literature and watching documentaries, and generally maintaining a holistic, good life) has been hard. I am starved for time.

Multiply that by my severe lack of funds and, sugar, we are going down swinging.

I’ve become increasingly savvy with my $$$$ and time, as one does when they don’t have much to be savvy with, and I’ve come up with some ways to save on each one.

However, the Internet is saturated with listicles on how to save time and money, with useful, wholesome tips like meal-prepping, list-making, developing a monthly savings plan, etc. I’m not here to divulge information that a quick Google search could tell you. Instead, I’m going to drop the most original (and perhaps borderline insane) things I’ve done to stretch a couple bucks and save some minutes.

HOW TO SAVE TIME

Can’t believe this movie never won an Oscar.

Okay, so I lied in the title: time is not money. You can’t store time you think you shouldn’t use just to keep it for later. “Saving” time is a hilariously impossible notion, and people who say it generally just mean they’ve found a way to do a task more quickly or just refocused their attention on something that matters more to them.

That means using time is a relative concept, and very difficult to prescribe solutions for its saving; therefore, I’m going to offer a universal tip, and give a couple examples on how to do it.

Any task can take just about any amount of time you want it to (if you believe in yourself). The degree of how well it’s performed is really just the difference. I’ve mentally developed three-five different ways to do just about everything in my life, depending on how much time I have.

For example, here is how I can do my morning routine, depending on how much time I have left after irresponsibly snoozing my alarm multiple times, systematically cutting steps as needed:

1h 30 min:

1. Wake up (refreshed)
2. Scroll through social media
3. Wash face, moisturize, brush teeth
4. Get dressed in something ~trendy~ and ~cute~
5. Do my hair (either curl or straighten)
6. Do a full face of makeup
7. Put on jewelry and watch
8. Organize tote bag
9. Pack gym clothes
10. Pack lunch, carefully curating a balance of healthy snacks and a nutritious, protein-dense meal
11. Eat breakfast while scrolling through the news
12. Leave home

30 min:

1. Wake up (with minor panic)
2. Wash face, moisturize, brush teeth
3. Get dressed
4. Hair in neat bun
5. Do my makeup, but maybe cut out eyeliner
6. Organize tote bag
7. Pack lunch
8. Leave home

5 min:

1. Wake up (with a lot of panic)
2. Brush teeth
3. Dressed; outfit may not match
4. Concealer for dark circles
5. Leave home

The crazy thing is that the end effect isn’t even that different between all of these three. And the same can be said for a lot of things (i.e. what’s really the difference between a salad with fresh avocado and toasted almonds vs. a bowl of spring mix with some dressing?).

I practice what I preach.

 

HOW TO SAVE MONEY

This tip is for the truly desperate. For the lowest of low moments. I’m sad to say that I have done this more times than I am proud of. In order to preface, this tip does not technically save money. It just makes it more usable.

Disclaimer: this tactic is for Canadians only. Americans, get better money!!!!

STEP ONE: if you’re anything like me, you have a bunch of useless change. I’m talking nickels and dimes. The kind of change you slowly collect but never use because when would you ever use nickels and dimes?  These coins only exist for the 1/85 chance you have the exact right amount of change. You’re never going to go to pay for something and think, I should throw this handful of metal at this tired, underpaid service worker.

Actually, one time I paid for coat check by giving the girl a ziploc full of $3 worth of dimes and nickels and I am deeply ashamed of that moment. Dear coat check girl, I am sincerely sorry.

STEP TWO: Collect all the rogue coins you own, and count them out. Make sure your coin count rounds up to a full dollar amount (preferably an even dollar amount).

STEP THREE: Scope out a vending machine. Preferably one in a secluded area so no one can watch you do this. Try a low-traffic hallway.

STEP FOUR: There are actually multiple ways to do this. I made an alignment chart so you can decide what approach fits your personal energy:

I personally align with chaotic evil.

To elaborate, you’re going to slide that useless change into the vending machine until you reach the $1.00 point. Then you’re going to hit the return coin button on that bad boy, and if this is a ~good machine~ it will spit a loonie out at you. If it’s a bad machine, it will either a) eat your money, which means you just have to commit and make a purchase, or b) spit your gross, garbage change back at you. If this is the case, keep testing machines until you find a good one.

Once you’ve found that good machine, load it up with trash change until you reach the $2.00 point, and then hit the coin return. A toonie — a useable piece of change — will come at you.

Bing bang boom PROFIT. You’re welcome.

This is how I feel with $15 in my wallet.

 

If you’ve made it this far, I truly applaud you. Thank you. As a reward, here are some actual things I’ve done to save some money/time:

1. I learned how to do my own eyebrows, which means I no longer have to deal with a) booking eyebrow appointments and driving there and b) paying for it. Are my eyebrows ever perfect? No. Do I always look a little busted? Yes. Do I care about either of these things? Not even slightly.

2. I only get my hair cut once a year. Granted, I have hair that doesn’t split easily, and I don’t dye it, so I don’t have to go in for touch ups. Every year in the fall, I go snip off about 6-10 inches; this is a double-win because I only spend about $60 annually on hair care, AND I get to donate the locks.

3. I prepare food based on the limiting agent. I don’t meal prep in the “common” way, where I make three to five meals worth of food and segment them into specific meal containers. While this works for many people, I find that I get bored of eating the exact same thing for a whole week, it takes a long time to prepare that amount of food at once, and I also don’t own enough tupperware for this method.

Instead I cook enough of the one food that takes the longest (i.e. wild rice) to last a full week, and then prepare the rest of the food in 10-15 minutes on a day-to-day basis (i.e. cutting up the veggies and making the dressing for a salad).

4. I plan and order what my next item purchases will be. For example, the next three items I buy are going to be loafers, a new pair of workout leggings, and a table lamp (in that order). Planning prevents me from impulse buying items I don’t really need and lets me focus money spending on specific goals.

 

Living in a culture where everyone seems to be spending their time doing exciting things (i.e. going on spring break trips, spontaneously flying to Paris) and owning luxurious things, it’s easy to feel a inadequate with my lack of funds and time. As much as I want to be perfectly content with my current situation, I’m not ashamed to admit I wish I could catch a flight to Bali.

And that’s okay.

Comment the biggest hustle you’ve ever committed. One time I paid for a slushie at Mac’s with a bus ticket.

Coming up next: all of my friends have left me but at least i have a bicep now

single and unsure if i even want to mingle

I know I’ve touched on the topic of post-grad dating in a previous post, but I felt like it was fitting to revisit it considering that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day.

Courtesy of Twitter User @ZachSvobodny

Valentine’s Day was one of my favourite holidays from ages five to nine, because all the holiday entailed was stuffing Dora The Explorer foldable cards into the cubbies of all of my classmates and eating dollar store chocolate. Now? It’s a day when single people gripe about being alone, and 50 per cent of people in relationships gripe about having to celebrate/not celebrating.

No matter what my relationship status is, Valentine’s Day always seems to bring up some sort of self-evaluation about said status. I actually wrote a piece about dating résumés as a mode of reflection last year for V-Day (with my actual dating résumé attached if you want to see the tragic history of my romantic life).

Just in case you thought I was joking, this is a very real document. My Humour Writing professor described my dating résumé as “funny, but in a pathetic, sad way”!

 

I find myself situated in a weird space, as I think most recent graduates do. Apart from being wildly unaware of how to meet new dating prospects, there are a bunch of factors that make dating more difficult than I anticipated.

My future is marked with so much uncertainty; I don’t know what city I’ll be living in, what job I’ll have, or what my life will look like in three months. I keep hyping myself up to get into the dating world only to cut down the idea in the face of reality: there’s no point of getting attached to someone right now only for things to not work out in a few months. What waste of a time investment.

Me the moment someone mentions long-term relationships (also, quite possibly, the last time I did cardio)

I guess that’s the root of the problem: timing. When I was in my fourth year of university, I dodged any potential relationships because I didn’t see the point of getting involved with someone when the likelihood of things working out long-term was slim to none. During my post-graduate diploma, I’ve done the same citing similar reasons. And it has left me very single.

Like, so so so so so single. The kind of single that has my mom sending my cautionary documentaries about “cat ladies”. The kind of single that had me looking up how to apply for The Bachelor on Wikihow.

I’ve been ruminating on the reality of my love life (or lack thereof) pretty heavily this February, and I’ve come to a pretty cool conclusion: I am perfectly content with being alone right now. I like my own company, routines, and choosing my life with myself at the forefront — no distractions.

 

unbelievably accurate.

I’m not prescribing this as a time in life to be single or implying that being single during the beginning of your career is “better”. Maybe you’re in a healthy, happy relationship that provides you with support right now. If you are, I am wholeheartedly happy for you. But this is my moment to only account for myself, and someone has to really be incredible to come into my life and change that. Maybe you’re here as well; maybe you’re sure about it, or maybe you wish things were different. Maybe you fear that you’re giving something up while chasing your ambitions. I sometimes worry, too.

And that’s okay.

Comment the worst Valentine’s Day gift you ever received! In Grade 11, my then-boyfriend surprised me with a bouquet of red roses and I did not have the heart to tell him I don’t like flowers. He found them rotting in the bottom of my locker two weeks later.

Coming up next: Time is money, and I have neither

internship life is cool

I promise this is the only mirror selfie I’ve taken on the job

I started my first real person job at the beginning of January (a.k.a. my first job where my main role wasn’t to yell at minors – to explain, I coached soccer and did some camp-like jobs). I’m now in my third week of working, and here is a very real breakdown of what has happened:

1. I’ve had two to three cups of coffee just about every day and have only had the shakes twice :). I honestly wasn’t a regular coffee drinker until I started having to be functional from 8:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m. from Monday to Friday. Now, I start to panic when I forget to bring my tumbler.

2. I’ve eaten cake at in three very “The Office”-esque birthday gatherings (according to my office-mate, January is a big birthday month). There is a birthday chart on the bulletin board. It is so wholesome and I love it so much.

 

3. I explained what a Juul Pod is to my boss.

4. I’ve discovered that casual Friday is actually my raison d’etre. Falling to yet another trope of the office life, my week really revolves around my ability to wear jeans, a clothing item I used to disdain in undergrad, ONCE a week. Not wearing a pencil skirt is really the center of my existence right now.

An actual candid photo of me getting ready on Friday morning! Courtesy of instagram user @middleclassfancy

 

5. Going to bed at 9 p.m. has gone from a rarity to a regularity. I might even call it my greatest fantasy. When I’m leaving work in the evening, I consider all the things I want to do before bed and calculate how soon I can be asleep. From now on, I need a full business week’s notice for any plans after 7 p.m. on a work day.

6. I can determine how good my day is going to be based on what the flavour of fruit-infused water is at work. I’ve actually developed a scale from “Pineapple and Rosemary” to “Cranberry” (honorable mentions are “Green Apple and Mint” and “Lemon and Basil”).

 

There’s been a learning curve for me, I’m not going to lie. As much as I enjoy what I’m doing right now, there are still some days that I feel totally out of place. It’s hard to transition from being in school (something I’ve done for most of my life) to a totally different setting, but it’s also exciting.

I also briefly got lost in the building once.

And that’s okay.

Comment the your weirdest work ritual/joy/behaviour. Wednesday is team snack day, which is very very very very important to me.

Coming up next: single and unsure if I even want to mingle

 

 

Pass off being too poor to own things as “Minimalism”

I was in between sets at the gym, scrolling through Twitter and generally trying to look busy so no one would think I was approachable enough to ask if “they could work in” when I came across this gem of a tweet:

Courtesy of Twitter User @kathasty

Although I wholeheartedly laughed at the fact that there are people who think that this counts as “fully furnished” (albeit, they might add a Fight Club poster, a collection of empty alcohol bottles or something equally tacky), I also had a moment of terror that there is a very real chance that this is what my future apartment will look like.

To explain, I probably have a ripe $12 and an unreasonable number of haircare products to my name. That’s it.

Fortunately, I have been blessed to have my existence coincide with the growing lifestyle trend of minimalism. Here and here are a couple definitions of minimalism by practicing minimalists, but I’m going to summarize it as owning less things as a way to make your life better (? I still don’t fully get it).

 

This is what came up when I searched minimalism on pexels — my living space does not even remotely look like this

We (broke students/recently-graduated humans) live in a special time during which we have the ability to use minimalism to mask the fact we can’t afford basic things. Only one plate, mug, glass, and bowl? Minimalism. One lone chair in my living room? Minimalism. Not owning a T.V. and instead consuming all of my media on my laptop from the moderate comfort of my one chair while using my one fork to eat instant ramen? Minimalism.

Not only do you get away with having less items in your home/apartment than a small rodent typically has in its nest, you also are considered a trendy, with-the-times individual. Some might even go as far as to call you enlightened due to your lack of dependency on material things.

While I think there’s something to be said about mass consumerism and the way we have been conditioned feel the need to own certain things, your current living and financial situation may not be what you want it to be yet. You might be looking forward to being able to get that nice coffee table and couch set.

And that’s okay.

Comment the most tragic student living situation you’ve ever seen. Not so much a living situation, but a past significant other told me that his roommate mistook a container of aloe vera in their bathroom as hand sanitizer and effectively did not wash his hands for two months.

Coming up next: internship life is cool

New Year’s Resolutions are garbage but I’m going to make them anyway

Note that I haven’t written anything yet but no longer procrastinating personal goal setting might belong on that list 🙂

I’m a cynic when it comes to New Year’s Resolutions because I don’t think I’ve ever seen one through. You might feel inclined that this fact is a direct result of my own behaviour and not a reflection on New Year’s Resolutions as a whole, and I might feel inclined to tell you to shut up 🙂

I’m not a monster: I actually do believe in self-improvement and goal setting as a means to help achieve it. I just think arbitrarily creating a list of goals at once upon the commencement of a new year is an ineffective way to do it.

According to the textbook I read the week before the final exam of the Social Psychology class I took in fourth year, people only have a limited capacity to exhibit self-control. This means that making several life changes at once that demand self-discipline sets one up for failure.

We all know the typical goals that are associated with New Year’s Resolutions, including, but not limited to:

• getting into better physical shape
• maintaining a healthier diet
• creating a more organized living space
• removing toxic people from your life
• improving academic performance
• spending less time on your phone
• etc., can’t think of anymore right now

And, if there is nothing wrong with aspiring to some/all of these things, but all at once? LMAO you’re playing yourself.

So here are some more realistic New Year’s Resolutions:

1. Only text that person who has lied to you on multiple occasions, like, three more times. Saying you’re absolutely done with a toxic person is much easier said than done. Instead, give yourself a couple more opportunities to slip up and remake that mistake!

2. Buy a cute, leather-bound day planner and use it for three weeks before you remember Google Calendar exists, can be accessed from your phone, and is free.

3. Just like, clean all of the stray mugs, water glasses and food wrappers out of your bedroom then reward yourself with thirty minutes of social media browsing.

4. Read the first chapter of a book before giving up and just watching the movie/television series adaptation of it.

5. Buy new, expensive workout leggings and then proceed to just wear them as a casual everyday staple. At least you’re using them.

Fingers crossed for 2019!!!!!

Jokes aside, making major changes to your life isn’t easy and it takes a lot of work and perseverance. You may not achieve all of your resolutions as fast as you want, or at all, this year.

And that’s okay.

Comment the most ridiculous/irrelevant New Year’s Resolution you have ever made! I once decided that I wanted to be able to do the splits for no particular reason.

Coming up next: Pass off being too poor to own things as “Minimalism”

 

 

What do you mean I can’t wear athleisure everyday?

I’m going rogue this week and dropping some actually helpful tips.

With my “big girl job” quickly approaching, I’m realizing that I soon have to start dressing in work-appropriate attire. This is a hard pill to swallow as someone whose daily outfit generally looks like this:

Sports, but make it fashion

I like the idea of workwear, but have come to the conclusion that work clothes are generally uncomfortable and prone to sweat stains. More direly, they are EXPENSIVE. As someone who is #ballingonabudget and understands the no-money hustle, here ten tips to keep in mind when collecting your work wardrobe:

1. Be a basic b*tch. Acquire good basic items first, such as a black pencil skirt,  a structured blazer and a good button-up shirt. Honestly, if you don’t know why this is important, I can’t help you.

Literally could not be more basic

🙂

 

2. Buy clothes according to a colour scheme. By having items that are of similar colours, it’s easy to match most of your pieces to each other, increasing the “wear-ablity” of each item. I tend to stick to neutral tones and variations of my favourite “millennial pink” colour, and generally buy the same patterns. Is it kind of boring? Yeah, but better to be boring than broke 🙂

I pretty much only wear these colours

This arrangement took TIME so you’re getting it at two angles

 

3. Keep it classic. As tempting as it can be to jump on new trends, more classic pieces have better longevity. Stick to time-honoured prints and fabric cuts that will withstand changes in fashion.

Looking like the love-child of Sandy and Rizzo from Grease

 

4. Quality is a priority. Get to know a little bit about fabrics and learn which ones are less prone to wear and damage. For example, rayon tends to pill faster than most materials. If you can, check to see if seams and sewing work are well-done. Sometimes it’s better to spend a little more on items knowing that they will be a good long term investment.

Peep my chipped nail polish

 

5. Shop secondhand. Buying items from thrift and consignment stores is not only easier on your wallet, but it’s also better for the environment and, indirectly, increases ethical clothing production. So you’ll be a lil’ richer and, like, a ~good person~.

Serving pilgrim realness

Slip dress bought at a consignment store

 

6. Shop like they’re going out of business–literally. Liquidation sales are an amazing way to get good products for dirt cheap prices.

Snagged these bad boys for 50% off at Town Shoes last week.

 

7. Steal Borrow from your friends. Or, if you’re cleaning out your closet, give them items that you don’t want anymore or no longer fit and vice versa.

I acquired this shirt and sweater while “helping a friend clean her closet”

Thanks Bria!

 

8. Take care of what you own. Follow washing instructions–for the most part (if I’m being honest, I’ve only dry cleaned like one item in my life). Use appropriate protectant on your shoes/boots so that they last longer.

Mink oil, suede spray and silicone spray are my holy trinity of shoe care

 

9. If you are in ~dire need~ of an item in the near future, load up your cart on a site you’re subscribed to (you get promotional emails from them), and then close the tab and wait. A lot of the time the brand will offer you an extra incentive (i.e. a discount or free shipping) to try to entice you to complete the purchase.

These photos don’t relate to this tip

Do I look like I care though?

 

10. Most importantly, be patient while collecting items. I’ve been buying my “work wardrobe” slowly over the past three years. I still don’t have the full-fledged professional closet of my dreams yet.

And that’s okay.

Comment your best shopping tip! 

Coming up next: I’m going on a hiatus until the new year. Happy holidays pals.